Chances are good that you’ve seen the following list of diabetes control rules more than once: Become more active. Eat more fruits and vegetables. Get support.
And you’ve probably had a family member or friend say to you, “Let me know how I can help.” But maybe you didn’t know how to ask for help. This article is about:
Most people who start off on any kind of program of change find it helpful or even essential to build a social support system. Supportive family, friends, or colleagues can help them over the inevitable bumps on the path to healthy lifestyle changes.
In his book, Daniel Kirschenbaum identifies three types of social support: informational support, material support, and emotional support. For many people trying to control their diabetes, emotional support is the most helpful, but it’s also the most difficult support to ask for and the hardest to use. Below, you’ll read about two levels of emotional support: the helping-hand level and the coming-clean level.
Gwen lost 7 kilograms simply by following her new meal plan. But now she seemed to have hit a plateau. She knew she needed to start exercising, but she just never followed through.
One day at work, she and Linda talked about exercise. They agreed they wanted to enroll in a deep-water aerobics class but were too embarrassed to go alone to the pool. That day they signed up together for a three-day-a-week class. During the next eight weeks, Gwen’s weight loss picked up. Then Linda’s work schedule changed, and she couldn’t make it to class regularly. She dropped out. Gwen continued anyway, and then joined the next session on her own without hesitation. She enjoyed her water workouts and really missed going when she had to skip.
Having a partner like Linda was enough to help Gwen get her feet wet. Once she began exercising routinely, Gwen no longer needed someone else to encourage her to go. She had made a lifestyle change.
You may find several ways in which your friends, family, and coworkers can lend a helping hand to your diabetes control program. For instance, if you work in an office in which food is brought in every day and left on countertops in common areas, talk to your colleagues. Ask them to cut back or bring healthy foods. If they insist on bringing doughnuts, ask them to compromise: Move the goodies away from commonly used machines, such as the copier or fax machines. Remember: healthy self-protection. Out of sight, out of mind.
If your family members say, “Let us know what we can do to help you,” tell them. Speak up, and make concrete suggestions. For instance, ask them to spend more time with you doing something that involves physical activity. More specifically, tell them that you’d like to walk to the park on Sunday afternoon and play Frisbee golf instead of watching sports on television and eating snacks.
When a helping hand is offered but the support doesn’t come through, it’s tough not to get angry. But by now you’ve practiced using strategies that will help you get beyond the disappointment and anger. For instance, you can look for ways to channel your disappointment rather than let your anger trigger emotional eating. Unplanned, uncontrolled eating hurts only you, not the person who disappointed you. So does missing your exercise. Stay on track.
Another, deeper level of support is also essential to success, and it’s usually provided by one person. When you hit a rough spot in your program, this kind of support can make the difference in whether you go forward, stay stuck, or backslide. You may say that this person is the one with whom you can be honest.
Deb celebrated her weight loss of 23 kilograms. Her glucose levels were much improved. She worked hard to achieve this goal. She had diligently walked five kilometers a day and followed a calorie-controlled meal plan. Her hard work now left her only 4.5 kilograms from her weight loss goal. Deb couldn’t wait to call Beth, her coworker and friend, to share the good news. Beth had participated with her in an informal at-work weight loss group that met weekly on Wednesday.
On Monday, Deb came to the meeting late. She caught Beth’s eye and looked away. When people shared their losses for the week, Deb said she was closing in on her goal and passed to the next person. Then Deb left before the meeting was over.
Beth called Deb the next day. She said, “Deb, you never come late to a meeting, and you always share how much you’ve lost. It’s time to come clean. What’s going on?” Deb was stunned by the question, but she was also relieved. She went on to tell Beth how the day she found out she had lost her 23rd kilogram, her son asked her to bake cookies for school. Normally, Deb would avoid the temptation of fresh-from-the-oven cookies and stop at the bakery to buy them. But that night she agreed, and made a batch of oatmeal raisin cookies — her favorite. By the end of the next day, Deb had eaten six cookies. Feeling out of control, she threw away the rest, but not until she had eaten two more.
When Deb weighed in on Monday, her weight was up a couple of kilograms. Her glucose levels were out of kilter, too. She admitted to Beth that she didn’t want to tell the group that she had hit her goal of losing 23 kilograms but had also gained a kilogram back. Beth listened and said, “Don’t you hate it when stuff like that happens before a meeting! It’s so embarrassing to admit.” They had a good laugh. Beth went on to share a few experiences about times she had had a momentary lapse in her program and the lapse led to a period of overeating. She said that even though she wrote down every morsel she ate in her food journal, she couldn’t get out of her eating rut. She began to turn around only after she came clean with a good friend and got her support.
For the next few days, Beth called Deb and they honestly reported to each other how their plans were working. This level of support helped Deb to go forward at a time when she could have easily gone backward.
The process of coming clean to another person is essential for behavior change. It helps with the parts of our behavior that are young and need maturing. For some, this degree of support may seem uncomfortable, especially for people who have previously kept their eating episodes to themselves. It’s tough to be honest out loud. To do this effectively, it’s important to find the right person. Kirschenbaum suggests that an effective support person should be the following:
This person may be the person you stand next to in water-aerobics class or a coworker with whom you feel comfortable. The key is having an open and honest degree of comfort.
List three people in your life you think have the qualities that make an effective support person.
